Lack of communication, constant arguing, unrealistic expectations and lack of equality are all in the top ten for reasons for divorce. When was the last time you had a healthy conversation with your partner on how the household responsibilities are divided?
The responsibilities in the house will never be equal for several reasons and keeping score is not what a healthy relationship is all about. Follow this four step process to have a healthy conversation about how things are divided now and how you can both better support each other.
Discuss potential reasons for current division of responsibilities.
Family History
What chores did your mom take care of and how about your dad? What are the differences between the two of you in how you were raised in regard to chores and what kids took care of? Then have a conversation about what you thought they did well and what you want to do differently to get on the same page.
Personality
Is one of you a clean freak or super organized? Is there one of you that just takes charge to get things done? Does this cause friction between the two of you? Keep in mind that that you will both never love doing all of the chores.
Preferences
Does one of you love to cook? Like doing laundry? Talking through what you like doing the most can help you divide things up into things that you like to do or are good at to help make things easier on each other.
Health Issues
Sometimes we get sick or have health challenges and need to step in and help get the other persons typical responsibilities done. This is just part of being a great partner.
Responsibilities outside of the home.
Does one of you have a job that has flexibility over the other person? Does one of you have a longer commute? Making sure you are acknowledging each other and the contribution you make to the family financially, time wise, and task completion and share your appreciation.
Review current division of responsibility.
As part of a few of the courses I teach, we discuss how things are currently divided. If things are stressful or not getting done, we first look at ways to find more time and spend less money. This helps us find someone outside to help with chores or find time for us to develop skills to get better at some of the tasks. Could the kids be doing more to help? Do you want to hire someone to help if it’s in your budget?
Revise division of responsibility.
After you have talked everything through what do you want to do differently? How do you want to get the kids involved? Do you want to hire someone to help if it’s in your budget?
End the conversation with a solid game plan and commitment to each other to follow through. Don’t forget to say thank you and show your appreciation. Life is hard and there is always stuff to get done. As a team you can tackle it together!
602-935-1570
